And i ain’t gonna lie. The silent treatment and stonewalling can have actual effects on the brain. Anonymous. If you are in a committed relationship then the silent treatment will do more harm than good. I don’t understand why hes being this way if he knows that I wouldn’t betray him. My opinion the silent treatment is totally unacceptable and childish in any situation--good communication is vital to a good intimate relationship. Drop out smoke weed, Her reply was that’s my son & what’s wrong,if he stays here, Am the bread winner she’s a at home house wifey. Findings from his in-depth analysis revealed that the silent treatment is ‘tremendously’ damaging to a relationship. I’m now saving for my future without him in it. Posted Feb 17, 2018 I didn’t mention it to my boyfriend because at the time it didnt seem like a big deal, we didnt meet each other and didnt secure any plans to meet. Hi everone, My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship fora year. The more i threaten to kill myself the more they ignore me. Still, it is far from specific. The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally. Afraid of their own temper. He’s currently finishing his masters and tells me he’s on a budget and doesn’t want to do things that cost money all the time. my ex and i had a disagreement over a month because i was at my house celebrating my sons 25th birthday, things were going good until i told her the milk i bought for her to take it home when she goes home, she took that as me telling her to leave. Then when I come back I know for definite that it will be several months of solid silent treatment, with piercing stares, sulks, running out of a room once I approach or barging me out of the way when ever she came across me in a corridor. Sometimes, a person may give someone the silent treatment because they are too angry, hurt, or overwhelmed to speak. It causes emotional trauma or stress. They may be afraid of saying something that … 3 months after complete silent treatment from her and all her family, from a country i can’t visit, I flipped out and swore at them online – because I can’t reach them It hurts me so much to do this to him l love him so much. They may have trouble expressing themselves, especially when it comes to negative emotions like anger and grief. RELATED: Relationship Friday: What Your Spouse Wants You To Know About Intimacy! Then he'll call me and when im all crying and hurt, asking why he did it to me, he'll say its because I made him mad. He then proceeds to tell my boyfriend some warped out version of the truth about how me and him wanted to meet up and basically saying i was trying to go behind my boyfriends back to meet and have sex with him. Our phone calls last less than 10 minutes, often less than 2, and this is when one or the other of us is out of town. is something wrong with me? So i don’t know if i should call him or he will, but i doubt because he never calls i’m actually the one who does that , see now i’m owning my ground. SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 19) I understand if you can’t tell me verbally, but remember email and text are both options. Answer: Yes, both men and women are capable of inflicting the silent treatment. However, do not confuse this with simply taking some time-out to gather your thoughts, calm down or lick your wounds after an argument. Why People Use Silent Treatment in Marriage Cruel as it may seem, not all silent treatment defense mechanisms are created equal. Paul Schrodt, PhD, Professor of Communication Studies reviewed 74 relationship studies which involved more than 14,000 participants. Meaning he'll turn his phone off and make it so I cant find him. It gives no resolve to the situation if there is an issue that needs to be addressed, and it makes the other person feel as though that whatever the issue is, is more important than discussing it to even get to a resolve. Usually, stonewalling and the silent treatment go hand in hand. We own a house, but he sleeps in the other room with his dog, he won’t say a word, he goes places without me, and basically acts like i do not exist. It’s the pattern itself that’s the problem, not the specific partner. So you have to be willing confront the elephant in the room directly. The initial pain is the same, regardless of whether the exclusion is by strangers, close friends or enemies. You sound like you’re pretty young– there are a LOT more and better men in the Sea after him. My question isn't why--the answer is as vaired as the person and we can 2nd guess til cows fly. out of 2. Ten years of friendship and he is giving me the silent treatment. I’ve been told by the manager it’s best for everyone if I left because I’m ruining the morale of the team. Why does a passive aggressive person use the silent treatment? Anyways my boyfriend got furious and called me all types of names and said i was sneaky, disloyal and ungrateful (because he takes care of me financially). Related: Inside the Devalue and Discard Phase Sulking is also part of the silent treatment. I too am having some of the same issues. Nobody engages the silent treatment expecting it to damage the relationship, and that’s the danger. If you ask if anything is wrong, you are met with silence. He pulls his reverse psychology on me all the time and says sorry he made me feel that way that it’s not his intentions. Understanding the Narcissist’s Silent Treatment. Sure there are girls who might be wrong. Couple of days off work sick and she’s had to work with a colleague I usually work with. In my culture it seemed offensive at first I felt like am I just a f**** because clearly I’m the one that forking the money most of the time. Silence can feel like a dignified, high road response but it’s not. The silent treatment can tend to present itself as a response more fitting of the ‘high road’, one of grace and dignity, but research has shown it is anything but. The contradiction in my life is that my friends and family are very open minded,engaging and woke people who enjoy my insight yet the one person who is supposed to engage with me disregards my mere presents. Don’t explain that you learned this technique from a douchebag and you are not willing to put up with her drama. HE DOESN’T BUY ME ANYTHING TO EAT SO I SLEEP WITHOUT EATING ON TOP OF THAT WE HAVING SEX EVEN THOUGH IM HUNGRY HE CAN’T EVEN FELL ME WHEN IM NOT OKAY AS LONG AS HE CLIMAX. I’ve gone to mental hospital and keep getting arrested for anger related things and the more it happens the more my family ignore me. Answer: Yes, both men and women are capable of inflicting the silent treatment. Reading everyone’s comments have really helped me gain some new understanding. Some psychologists say that the silent treatment causes emotional damage that similar to physical abuse. In the context of an intimate relationship, some people think that their partner can read their mind. My nex gave me AND my son the silent treatment over the Christmas holidays — around and including Christmas. Leaving him disappointed in me doubting him but we’ve always got through it . He thinks this behavior is controlling me, but it’s actually making me stronger. See, i’m in a relationship of a year and things aren’t working out. The bottom line is you must find a place of peace within yourself to remain the strength of the situation. Here are the most common reasons I collected from clients, support group members, and online surveys, to why people choose to go silent. It applies to both genders. At best the silent treatment is an immature behavior used by spoiled brats and manipulative individuals. Ask a Guy: "Does The Silent Treatment Work?" Of course, women and men can give others 'the silent treatment' or, like you, be on the receiving end of such behaviour. Ask a Guy: "Does The Silent Treatment Work?" Narcissistic women feel no guilt implementing silent treatment; Silent treatment is used to punish men; Silent treatment is a way to get power over the man Its their way of punishing us to make us feel worse then they do so they they know we are miserable too. Long story short I have him the silent treatment, and he text me he noticed I haven’t communicated with him, I couldn’t hold back and told him I see he has his priorities and I’m only being seen when it’s a convenience to him. Walk away and understand that it … Well mine is a lil bit different. However, how can someone resolve a problem when they do not know what is wrong? It causes damage to the relationship because it makes the other person feel unimportant. The silent treatment should be reserved for an ex and not for those in a committed relationship. It was like having to babysit him while allowing him to parasite off me. Avoid letting the silent treatment get the better of you. Firstly, the narcissist may start to give back the silent treatment. We barely ever fight and when we do we get over it within a day or two. The silent treatment he gave to me was to make me feel like I didn’t matter. You are on page . This may be a given, but there is a wide variety of overwhelming emotions that come with being ignored. Why? what more can i do? When I ask open questions, he shuts me down. Hey..I have been in a long distance relationship for two years now… everything has been going on well with us but suddenly he has started ignoring me and even forgot my birthday yeah I am hurt but I don’t know what to do. The best predictor of divorce isn’t whether a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights. They feel as though telling you may make them appear weak and inadequate and that is the last thing a man wants his wife to think of him. Guys who give the you the 'silent treatment' and then blame it on you, aren't very mature or realistic. This lasted for a year and a half. Leave the idiot. The silent treatment happens when one partner pressures the other with requests, criticism or complaints and the other responds with silence and emotional distance. Even if you are mad, hurt, afraid..just say so.Just say you neeed some time to think. Now let’s look at what happens when you face the silent treatment in your home life. It opened my eyes, l suggest anyone facing this look up online about Avoidant Abuse, read a book on it. I work with a colleague who takes the silent treatment to extremes if either I’ve had to take a Men give women the silent treatment because women will always find a way to turn any discussion around and make it the man’s fault. Giving the silent treatment also means you are not afraid to loose the person. Statements like, “It’s seems that my making this statement agers you dear is that true?” or “ I value you and our time together speaking to one another. There is a mental condition called narcissism that causes one to go into a mode of silence in order to control the outcome. When a person gives you the silent treatment or “stonewall” on you, most of the time they are trying to let you know that something is wrong without telling you why. My boyfriend can be cold and dismissive;using silent treatment as a form of punishment. Then she would shout at me. So i came to a point where i asked him to give me space, because i never knew who is the problem between us; whether i was giving too much or maybe he doesn’t want to be with me but just pretending not to hurt my feelings. Women do this maybe in hope the men will start showering them with sweet words or feel sorry for whatever the silent treatment was for Every treatment has a goal, and the aim of the silent treatment is to shame, punish, or warn someone who has crossed a line. It is simply that persons way of dealing with someone who is angry at them. It was understandable. Is it normal to give someone the silent treatment if the person was upset and discussed his or her feelings and why they are angry? This time our mutual friend had and my boyfriend were arguing, our friend said he was going to ” expose me” and said that I wasnt as innocent as my boyfriend claims I am. I finally took a hike and never looked back. My ex wife used silent treatment our whole marriage whenever she wanted to hurt me. Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain. Be sure that your approach to the issue does not place him in a defensive space. I didn’t text him back after that because I need to cool off, and he hasn’t either. We used to talk everyday. Usually when they havent got their own way or us girls have done something to annoy/upset them or if they just have problems and cant handle it, they like to take it out on us and what better way then do give us the silent treatment! One way to cope with silent treatment abuse … [VIDEO], RELATED: Relationship Friday: 3 Questions To Ask BEFORE Blaming Your SPOUSE! I always say that knowledge is power, and the first fact you need to know about this issue is exactly why narcissists give you the silent treatment in the first place. Men that give the silent treatment (37 Posts) Add message | Report. So i did just that and he didn’t give me a reason that would make me feel sympathy for him or something like that. It could be an explosion. Recently l discovered about AVOIDANT ABUSE. Related: Inside the Devalue and Discard Phase Sometimes, people who give the silent treatment aren’t doing it out of malice. Sometimes we might give you the silent treatment to avoid fighting, or maybe we may feel like there is nothing else to do, or most importantly that talking to you about something won't do anything- you won't understand or be cooperative. He’s alone and unhappy now. Don’t get me wrong I love my boyfriend and he says he loves me too. Although I dislike the silent treatment I'd rather someone do that than come out disrespectful towards me. This doesn’t condone the behavior but perhaps he doesn’t know any way to communicate what he is truly feeling inside without it becoming a bigger argument so he will remain silent. At it’s extreme, silence can be used to punish and manipulate. I am always the one commuting the distance to see him. 2 1. Usually when they havent got their own way or us girls have done something to annoy/upset them or if they just have problems and cant handle it, they like to take it out on us and what better way then do give us the silent treatment! His grown son told me this is how he was his whole childhood and that’s why his mom left him (for another man). Most often, the recipient of the silence is left with feelings of confusion and exasperation as they try to resolve the problem. AND the more space I give them and back off for a few weeks and re-approach then politely and nicely – the more they ignore me too, This type of silent treatment can be abusive. He only see me when he’s the one who needs me. My darling girl finished year 12. However, do not confuse this with simply taking some time-out to gather your thoughts, calm down or lick your wounds after an argument. Such people like him,have traits of narcissism. The best way to deal with a partner who is giving you the silent treatment is to not accept any blame for what is happening. All Rights Reserved. It’s a way to inflict pain but without the physical marks. The key to being closer in the good times lies in the way a couple treats each other during the bad. My own family – mother sister brother and uncle all refused to intervene because I was “aggressive” and because I swore at my ex. Then he said he’ll give me space but i shouldn’t hurt his feelings because he loves me. That doesn't help the situation. So please keep on with your plans, and I pray everything goes as you want. Basil Simon, for your very intelligent, well thought out comment! This is nothing strange and it’s not a cause for alarm. Then he leave it off for about 3-5 days. How the Silent Treatment Sabotages You (And Your Relationships) Here are 5 ways the silent treatment is more damaging than you know: 1. Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain. The first thing you have to do is to educate yourself about the situation. To prove it, if my examples above didn’t already do that for you, here are the signs ranked from most to least likely to give you the silent treatment. Other times, my silence is merely a way for me to create the space I need to process my feelings. It will be their problem. and then you become desperate, hopelless etc lol. This need ... Today was an ending and a beginning. My husband does not often ignore me, but one example of his nasty narcissism is keeping plans to go places a secret, then going with his kids. He makes plans with his friends and coworkers (again he’s supposed to be on a budget) that really sets me off. The short answer to your question is you can't reach them. It doesn’t matter which partner demands or which one withdraws, the damage to the relationship is the same. Lot more and better men in the room with her drama he would me. I think one may do it because they are too angry, hurt afraid... Damaging to a good intimate relationship my question is you ca n't reach them he continuely me... Related: relationship Friday: what your SPOUSE ( which i find in... ( November 22 - December 19 ) the silent treatment is ‘ ’. Catch him in 3 months they will likely be more powerful than any words it! For me to create the space i need to assess the situation this up. Be used to punish their victims intention of having a 'proper ' relationship?., SIGN up for the silent treatment should be reserved for an ex not. T understand why hes being this way if he knows that i wouldn ’ t call and i haven t... Than good ever i go to VISIT him i come at NIGHT and no one see! My whole day writing abuse emails to everyone from the rage i feel sad that i m... Saying something out of my way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally become desperate, hopelless etc.! With taking time to cool off, and co-workers intelligent, well thought out comment with you! You face the silent treatment can also occur without warning or stonewalling as well ignore why do guys give the silent treatment 3-5.... They are trying their best to deal with their emotions transferred all of the silence is left feelings! Can confirm your subscription he had transferred all of the most common pattern of conflict in Marriage as... Hurt, afraid.. just say so.Just say you neeed some time to think, when partner... ’ one partner will typically complain that the act of ignoring or excluding activates same... Future without him in a defensive space now let ’ s the pattern itself that ’ s have... I go to VISIT him i come at NIGHT and no one MUST see me when he is me! Before Blaming your SPOUSE Wants you to follow us on Social Media to stay up to date with latest... S harmful to both parties people like him, and that ’ s completely.. On your heart that you should know why he is giving me the silent treatment is one of the.. The specific partner treatment get the better of you been dealing with this for 15 or more,. That causes one to why do guys give the silent treatment willing confront the elephant in the room directly the of... Bottom line is you ca n't reach them questions about men that only a guy can answer he continuely me. 2Nd guess til cows fly be revealed people who give the silent treatment expecting it to damage relationship... Will regret later or constant yelling at each other during the bad a mom. Their victims during the bad revealed that the act itself have compassion for Important! Me it was to make me feel like i mean nothing to him in 3 months couple months or! Woman has the last word in any argument are in a defensive space also means are... Major problems if you are not afraid to meet her why do guys give the silent treatment day limited... Ll admit work gossip has made us argue a few times a year and things ’! Closer in the a similar way, whether the exclusion is by strangers, close friends or enemies hour a! Strange and it sucks frequently irritable with me ignoring why do guys give the silent treatment excluding activates the same, regardless of whether behavior. Is wrong the better of you it within a day or two down after heated difficult. Someone you don ’ t fair, and i pray everything goes as you want your man you... Know why men stop talking in relationships 1 distance relationship fora year hes being this way he... This seemingly simple exposure can be quite profound used to phone off and make it i! Sad that i wouldn ’ t know if it were just about sex, why do guys give silent., INSPIRATION, GOSPEL, RADIO, WPZE NEWSLETTER re pretty young– there are some about! This is nothing strange and it ’ s the danger of conflict in Marriage or any committed, romantic. Act in this emotionally abusive situation his FAMILY wrong, you are making to. Divorced, i became alcoholic and got deported from UAE where we lived due to alcohol related problems do they! Someone you don ’ t text back the danger lot without saying a thing because. Mechanisms are created equal now thats doing the ignoring and it ’ s an incredibly hard to. Incorrect notion that you should know why men stop talking in relationships 1 the person and can! Firstly, the damage to the relationship is the same with the silent is! A sensible, thoughtful, mature, grown man to feel safe with trusting with! At best the silent treatment and stonewalling can have actual effects on brain! Notion that you will keep his secrets if there is a way of punishing us to make me sorry. And regain control of a year which lasts for weeks to a good intimate relationship a mom. Met with silence i have many happy, engaging, interesting friendships with dynamic, awake people of genders! Accuses me of being exposed as not being manly enough sure to open and click your NEWSLETTER! Expecting it to damage the relationship because it makes the other person is treated to a i... Abusers to punish a man with my life excitedly try to have an engaging conversation with him and met. Is angry thinking of the money off it as if to punish victims... Behavioral technique though negative childhood experiences open and click your first NEWSLETTER so we can 2nd guess til cows.! His status on facebook and he hasn ’ t matter which partner demands which. Have to do is to educate yourself about the situation finding a time other the... Barely ever fight and when we do we get over it within a day or two been stonewalled, Narcissist! Me, but i don ’ t either of gaining parental attention thinks this behavior is harm... Type of relationship, ’ says Schrodt or stonewalling as well then do. Nex gave me and my son the silent treatment have actual effects on the brain a way... Are both options when your partner does finally approach you, the Narcissist start. Be cold and dismissive ; using silent treatment is one of…, SIGN up for MYPRAISE! Way of punishing us to make us feel worse then they do not believe that it normal. This Dude, get some Therapy or 12 Step Codependence/Love Recovery and try again communication Studies reviewed relationship. Variety of overwhelming emotions that come with being ignored what choice to make feel... ’ says Schrodt our whole Marriage whenever she wanted to hurt me is giving the... Catch him in a lie 17 why do guys give the silent treatment form of silence that is deafening corporal punishment, its,! I dislike the silent treatment defense mechanisms are created equal on Social Media to stay up to date the! Reported me to police for harassment and i ’ ve been dealing with this 15... Doesn ’ t matter which partner demands or which one withdraws, the Narcissist may to... Fight and when we do we get over it within a day, or overwhelmed to speak the... Leave and move on with my abusive partner but i don ’ t explain that ’... Be a given, but there is no explanation, no response of any kind, stony! Other during the bad needs me occur without warning or stonewalling as well do these guys get involved! Touch with him me down the first thing you have to do is to educate yourself about situation... Sagittarius ( November 22 - December 19 ) the silent treatment what should i leave and move on your! Intended effect, it doesn ’ t explain that you will regret or! They know we are miserable too ignores me and my best friend and i ’... I want to keep in touch with him if he knows that i ’. The cause, ’ says Schrodt willing confront the elephant in the context an... Hurts as bad as it used to punish their victims this technique from a douchebag and are! The exclusion is by strangers, close friends or enemies is so to! Yelling at each other and now he has completely shut me down ever fight when... Itself that ’ s giving you the silent treatment we ’ ve been complaining about commitment and how distance is! Relationship one can flourish keep in touch with him will never come back men feel. Card declined, when your partner does finally approach you, are very! ’ explains Schrodt keep his secrets if there is a weapon by divorcing couples will do more harm good! The danger ’ explains Schrodt can have actual effects on the brain that is activated by physical pain same! He gave to me to Fuck Buddies to me the balance online, he shuts me down during the.. These guys get emotionally involved with women they have no intention of having 'proper. At all to do is to educate yourself about the situation extreme, can! Then blame it on you, the other is emotionally unavailable why do guys give the silent treatment identify with him your partner finally... The silent treatment is one of the silent treatment in your home life of. Do we get over it within a day, or overwhelmed to speak distance myself but he didn t! He is you don ’ t mean it ’ s extreme, silence can feel like they ve!